


catch in the dark

by artificialmac



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Denial of Feelings, F/F, Heavy Angst, No Fluff, Post-Break Up, Songfic, no beta we die like men, only sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:55:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29477316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/pseuds/artificialmac
Summary: Crystal takes a girl home. Her name is Nicole.That fact shouldn't hurt, but it does.
Relationships: Nicky Doll/Crystal Methyd
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	catch in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hi, more sad Methydoll songfics, what else is new? Idk if this is good, but I wanted to get it out of my drafts and into the world. If this sucks more than my fics usually do, just ignore it, and pretend I don’t exist. 
> 
> And go listen to Catch in the Dark by Passenger if you wanna cry along.

The moonlight dancing across Crystal’s skin reminded her of waves, or maybe it was just because the whole world swayed with the alcohol in her system.

Whiskey and tequila never mixed well in her gut, but at least she could blame her pounding head tomorrow on that, and not the increasing sense of loneliness, even as the girl she had picked up leaned against her slightly taller frame.

Crystal could pretend, if she tried hard enough, if she lied convincingly enough, that the height difference was just her in heels.

But Nicky never let her forget who was a fourth of an inch taller, insisting on calling her “shorty” and poking fun of her height even though they both stood a solid five foot six. 

Crystal had rolled her eyes at the nicknames and hid her annoyance behind a smile.

She had gotten good at it over their two year… whatever it was.

Hiding.

_I know I'm a fool to let her run away with my heart_   
_And she'll never tire of these games_

Crystal knew she had no right asking Nicky to commit. 

They had agreed, unspokenly agreed, but agreed nonetheless that it didn’t mean anything. They weren’t together together. They just slept together when Nicky needed a high and the drugs wouldn’t do it. 

They just slept together when Crystal was high so she didn’t have to feel it. 

_Loving her is like playing catch in the dark_   
_I'm a teardrop in an ocean of flames_

Crystal always considered herself an artist.

Was this the big heartbreak that people drew their life’s inspiration from? Because it didn’t feel like it. Not at all.

Sure, when Crystal’s girl brushes a stray hair out of her face it feels like a slap. And And And

Maybe it does feel a bit like that.

_I know I'm a fool to let her run away with my heart_

As if her attention, albeit brief, wasn’t enough, was Crystal vain enough, arrogant enough to ask for more? To demand things from Nicky that Crystal knew she couldn’t give? Moreover, what kind of person asks for that in the first place? And what kind of person falls in love with the feeling?

_And she'll never tire of these games_

But as far as Crystal was concerned, Nicky could keep her wine. And her posh friends that always shot Crystal dirty looks when they thought she couldn’t see them. 

And she could keep her books on the shelf and never read them. 

And she could keep Crystal’s heart in her chest.

And Crystal could curse her for it.

_Loving her is like playing catch in the dark_

But she would make sure they locked eyes before leaving the club. 

_Well, she says if we're single at 40_   
_We'll get married and move to the country_

The walk up the three flights of stairs to Crystal’s apartment is uneventful. The girl she’s bagged is kissing her neck, perfumed lips wetly trying to stake a claim that would never stick.

But Crystal lets her try.

Lets the lipstick smudge and the hairspray cloud her mind, wills that some otherworldly force will make her forget, if only for a moment, the way Nicky’s arms felt around the back of her neck.

_But I know she'll never want me_

Crystal kicks the girl out two hours later, barely having the heart to look at her a moment longer when she reveals her name to be Nicole.

Because of course it fucking is.

Nicole.

Nicolette.

So so so close to the right answer.

_Then it's five fifteen in the morning_

Crystal curls into a ball, legs tucked tightly against her chest as she heaves in and out. 

And so and so and so 

The cold creeps in slowly, as it is want to do. She shivers against the well-worn sheets, wondering if she has the heart to keep doing this. 

To keep hiding.

_I reach for her whilst I'm yawning_

She knows there isn’t anything to be done for it. 

Nicky isn’t the type to commit. 

She never even stays the night.

_She leaves me with no warning_

Even her heart can’t stay.


End file.
